Look I write something! I’m actually trying to perform this for the One World show my school has every year. I just auditioned it today, so let’s hope for the best <3
Still have to work of some of it, but most of it is here.
Diaspora
Dysphoria
Dysphoria
I
am a child of diaspora.
am a child of diaspora.
Last
name I have no ties to,
name I have no ties to,
First
name my mother heard on Sesame Street,
name my mother heard on Sesame Street,
Names
give me no solace.
give me no solace.
My
mama’s mama was a product of love soured
mama’s mama was a product of love soured
By
a nationwide obsession with race and colour:
a nationwide obsession with race and colour:
A
story of a baby too brown
story of a baby too brown
For
anyone but her mother to love.
anyone but her mother to love.
A
story that comes back ‘round to me when they say,
story that comes back ‘round to me when they say,
‘Psst,
t’ick sauce wit’ de nice hair.’
t’ick sauce wit’ de nice hair.’
They
call me dougla.
call me dougla.
By
the time I outgrew my obsession with bindis and tikas
the time I outgrew my obsession with bindis and tikas
And
my one true dream to be bollywood dancer,
my one true dream to be bollywood dancer,
Classmates
told me I was too proper to be black.
told me I was too proper to be black.
They
call me dougla.
call me dougla.
But
ever so often I throw around mulatto
ever so often I throw around mulatto
And
try and forget the oppression behind it.
try and forget the oppression behind it.
Two
generations later, I have no ties to coco panyol
generations later, I have no ties to coco panyol
Other
than passing mention.
than passing mention.
The
only name I have for this,
only name I have for this,
The
only name I have for me,
only name I have for me,
Is
confused.
confused.
At
home they say, ‘dougla, what yuh mix wit’?’
home they say, ‘dougla, what yuh mix wit’?’
But
here they say black is black.
here they say black is black.
‘Are
you ashamed?’
you ashamed?’
Am I ashamed?
Not
of the blackness
of the blackness
Or
the whiteness
the whiteness
Or
the Indian-ness
the Indian-ness
Or
the Syrian-ness
the Syrian-ness
Or
the whatever-else-it-have-ness.
the whatever-else-it-have-ness.
Just
confused.
confused.
Because
things like race have always baffled me.
things like race have always baffled me.
Because
race implies someone must win.
race implies someone must win.
Because
when I look in the mirror
when I look in the mirror
And
I see the roundness of my nose,
I see the roundness of my nose,
The
curliness of my hair,
curliness of my hair,
The
sharpness of my cheeks
sharpness of my cheeks
And
the brownness of my skin,
the brownness of my skin,
I
am neither ashamed nor confused;
am neither ashamed nor confused;
just
euphoric.
euphoric.